The Threshold of Surrender

"Six years ago, an illness shattered my ego identity. I started meditating an hour a day and felt a shift – like I was losing myself. One night I felt I was slipping away, completely dissolving, but I was terrified. My ego threw the whole kitchen sink at me. I stepped away. Now I’ve returned to your teachings, but when I meditate, I still feel fear. What’s happening? Rupert says: ‘Let me interpret your experience using the King Lear analogy. King Lear gets sick and starts practising self-enquiry. He traces back through layers of experience – thoughts, emotions, history – realising he’s not any of these. He goes all the way back until he can’t find anything else to let go of. At that moment, he intuits: if I take another step, I will die. So he goes back to his regular life. What he doesn’t realise is that one more step would bring the knowledge “I am (the actor) John Smith”. It’s not true that King Lear will die – he never really lived. But until he takes that step, this is hidden. So the fear of death arises, and he retreats. Every time he goes back to everyday life, it gets less satisfactory. You’re on the threshold, having gone back and forth numerous times. Next time the fear arises, don’t turn away – surrender. You can’t really do it; it’s like a surrender. You say you feel you’ll go crazy – that’s King Lear. The ego can only exist by identifying with something. Surrender feels like death because there’s nothing to hold on to. But it’s not craziness – it’s the threshold to what you truly want.’"

From event 27 February - 01 March, 2026 The Nature of Consciousness – Online Weekend Retreat at Home 27 February–1 March 2026

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